Tuesday, August 11, 2009
tired
So tired of people thinking that i can solve anything or i can fend anything.
So tired of people thinking that i am strong and courageous.
Sometimes i don't understand it myself.
Always thinking that looking fierce and tough is a sort of self-defense,
who knows that it leaves the impression that u r that sort of person.
Hello...i am human too. I have my ups and downs.
I have my own fears and worries.
I dun take critiques to heart but that does not means that i have no feelings..
grrrr...what ever la...geezzz
Monday, August 10, 2009
Because i am stupid
The only thing I think about is you
But I know that you are thinking about somebody else
And you probably dont even know my heart
I probably dont exist in your daily life
And Im sure you have no thoughts of me
But for me, I spend my days thinking about you
And my tears keep falling
Just looking at your retreating figure
Is happiness to me
Even if you dont know my feelings
Even if you simply brush me aside
CHORUS:
In those days when I desperately want to see you
Those days that are so hard to bear
My mouth wordlessly repeats I love you
Alone once again I cry for you
Alone once again Im missing you
Baby I love you
Im waiting for you
I probably dont exist in your daily life
And Im sure you have no memories of me
But for me, I spend my days thinking about you
And create my own memories
Monday, June 22, 2009
RUBY
Love stone
The Ruby is filled with love. It also helps sexual love to be more passionate. Persons lacking in self-love should have and mediate on the Ruby. It also gives the courage to be best potential that a person has.
Healing properties of ruby
Ruby works with the flow of blood as an aid to circulation. It aids the cleansing and removal of infection or gems in the blood. The Ruby may be worn in jewelery, but never close to the solar plexus, as the Ruby has a disquieting effect upon it. In a ring, wear it on your left hand.
The color of rubies varies from vermilion to red. The most desired color is "pigeon's blood", which is pure red with a hint of blue. If the color is too pink, the stone is a pink sapphire. The same is true if it is too violet - it is a violet sapphire. The best rubies and star rubies are bright red. Most rubies come from Burma and Thailand.
ying:
hohho....mum got me a ruby bracelet last sunday...its so pretty...but then again i bought it for the colour...was googleling wat ruby is for and thats wat i got... =)
Thursday, June 11, 2009
sigh
i've finish exam everything and now i feel useless.
i hate to admit it but i hate feeling lonely. Everyday i try to face the day with a smile, but sometimes its so tiring.
Most of the time i feel like giving up. Just dunno what to do. So tired and stress.
This is what people called life. I have not even live up to half a century and sometimes i feel like giving up everything. Letting go everything.
I really cannot stand the loneliness and depressing self.
Sometimes i just sit whole day daydreaming but still, nothing seem to change my mind.
Keep telling myself to be strong but where have all my positiveness went.
I dun feel like my usual self anymore.
If people can just let go of everything to run away how nice. But then, running away its not a solution. Its just naive thinking. Sigh...a person must always stand up for himself and no runaway.
Monday, May 4, 2009
hanabi
What value left is there
in this world I live in?
I start thinking its all meaningless
or maybe I’m just tired?
In exchange for something I got
I gave up a number of precious things
but it’s not such a peaceful world
that I can lament each and every one.
What kind of dreams should I envision?
What kind of hopes should I take with me as I go forward?
These seemingly impossible to answer questions
Get buried in my day to day life.
If you were here I wonder what you would say?
you’d probably say I was being “gloomy” and have a laugh.
I just wish i could see your gentle smile to blow away my melancholy.
even if it’s a light like fireworks
that can never be caught
one more time, one more time, one more time, one more time
I want to reach out for it.
We all carry sadness with us
but we hope for a better tomorrow
I wonder to what extent we can love a world
gripped by fear, thrown into unrest?
I get choked up on the words ’cause I think too much
I hate how clumsy I am
Yet oddly enough, I hate more how skillfully I can pretend.
Whether we spend the years laughing or crying
time passes the same for all
the future is calling to us
are you, now, hearing it too?
Even though we knew from the start
that we’d eventually have to say goodbye
one more time, one more time, one more time, one more time
and as many times as I can I hope to see you again.
I never imagined that simply meeting you
could make the world seem so beautiful
would you laugh at me for being simple minded?
I want to say “thank you” to you from my heart.
I wish my heart flowed fast and smooth like water
so that it would not settle in one place.
For all those times when I need to see you
for those times when I’ll miss you so
one more time, one more time, one more time, one more time
I want to burn your memory deep in me.
We all have our problems
but we hope for a better tomorrow
I wonder to what extent we can love a world
gripped by fear, thrown into unrest?
one more time, one more time,
one more time, one more time…
Romaji
dorekuraino neuchi gaarudarou ?
boku ga ima kiterukono sekai
subetega muimi datte omoe ru
chotto tsukare tennokana
teniire tamon hikikae nishite
kirisute ta
ikutsumono kagayaki
ichiichi urei deireruhodo
heiwa na yononaka janai
ittaidonna risou wo egai taraii ?
donna kibou wo daki susun daraii ?
kotae youmonaisono toi kake wa
nichijou ni noma rete
kun gaitaranante iu kana ?
( kurai ) to chakashi te warau nokana ?
sonoyawarakana egao ni furete
kono yuuutsu ga fuki ton daraiinoni
kesshite tsukama erukotono dekina i
hanabi noyouna hikari datoshitatte
mou ikkai , mou ikkai
mou ikkai , mou ikkai
bokuha kono te wo nobashi tai
daremo mina kanashimi wo dai teru
dakedo suteki na ashita wo negatte ru
okubyou kaze ni fuka rete
namikaze ga tatta sekai wo
doredake aisu rukotogadekirudarou
kangae sugite kotoba ni tsuma ru
jibun no bukiyou saga kirai
demo myouni kiyou ni furu mau
jibun gasore ijou ni kirai
waratte itemo nai te sugo shitemo
byoudou ni toki ha nagare
mirai ga bokura wo yon deiru
sono koe ha ima kun nimo kiko eteimasuka ?
( sayonara ) tte kotae wo kiku kotowo
saisho kara waka tteitatoshitatte
mou ikkai , mou ikkai
mou ikkai , mou ikkai
nando demo kun ni ai tai
meguri ae takotodekonnani
sekai ga utsukushi ku mie runante
souzou saemoshiteinai
tanjun datte waratta
kun ni kokoro kara ( arigatou ) wo io u
todokoora naiyouni
yure te nagare te
suki tootte iru mizu noyouna kokoro dearetara
ai takunatta tokino fun made
sabishi kunatta tokino fun datte
mou ikkai , mou ikkai
mou ikkai , mou ikkai
kun wo tsuyoku yakitsuke tai
daremo ga mondai wo dae teiru
dakedo suteki na ashita wo negatte iru
okubyou kaze ni fuka rete
namikaze ga tatta sekai wo
doredake aisu rukotogadekirudarou
mou ikkai , mou ikkai
mou ikkai , mou ikkai
Thursday, April 16, 2009
so tired
THis 2 weeks had been my worst week of my live. First i had to get a new lappy as my previous one's motherboard died!!!It died with all my THESIS!!!I was so freak out and shock that i just sit there stunt. Ok, then i had to rush my thesis in like 7 hours. And i did that, went to school hand it up done. But my insomnia was kicking in and i still can hardly sleep as i know all my 8 assignments is like gone with the wind. Carried my baby to the hp centre and they say they needed a week to get new parts.
Ok i accepted a week but i had to redo all my assignment which was like due the following week which means 2 more days. There i go mad again. I had to get a new lappy. Then i got a new baby and tht night, the Anugerah Sukan dinner i got my lappy for the gold medal in MASUM. THis is like, hello, i ask for that for a long time and u did not give it to me until i got myself a new one. So yea...now i have 3 lappy. Dui..dogok o.
Planning to hand that lappy to mum and dad. Ok still no sleeping. And guess what, live was not miserable enough when my phone got stolen on Sunday!! Its like a lorry came crushing on my head. Search for it quite awhile but that pathetique person is really good a stealing. There goes my phone. My worst nightmare. That same day , mum had to get me a new one and tht day i lost the phone my dad bought me which is good as it is a naviagator and i lost my precious clover from m 21st birthday.
Well, live is not that good heh...sigh...sometime i get really tired with all those trials. By the way will have to study now. Exam coming soon ...i need time for my thesis.
Monday, March 30, 2009
ISFJ
The Nurturer
Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
, kind, and conscientious. Can be depended on to follow through. Usually puts the needs of others above their own needs. Stable and practical, they value security and traditions. Well-developed sense of space and function. Rich inner world of observations about people. Extremely perceptive of other's feelings. Interested in serving others Meet ISFJs
As an ISFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you takes things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.
ISFJs live in a world that is concrete and kind. They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best.
ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after the event occured, if the situation made an impression on the ISFJ.
ISFJs have a very clear idea of the way things should be, which they strive to attain. They value security and kindness, and respect traditions and laws. They tend to believe that existing systems are there because they work. Therefore, they're not likely to buy into doing things in a new way, unless they're shown in a concrete way why its better than the established method.
ISFJs learn best by doing, rather than by reading about something in a book, or applying theory. For this reason, they are not likely to be found in fields which require a lot of conceptual analysis or theory. They value practical application. Traditional methods of higher education, which require a lot of theorizing and abstraction, are likely to be a chore for the ISFJ. The ISFJ learns a task best by being shown its practical application. Once the task is learned, and its practical importance is understood, the ISFJ will faithfully and tirelessly carry through the task to completion. The ISFJ is extremely dependable.
The ISFJ has an extremely well-developed sense of space, function, and aesthetic appeal. For that reason, they're likely to have beautifully furnished, functional homes. They make extremely good interior decorators. This special ability, combined with their sensitivity to other's feelings and desires, makes them very likely to be great gift-givers - finding the right gift which will be truly appreciated by the recipient.
More so than other types, ISFJs are extremely aware of their own internal feelings, as well as other people's feelings. They do not usually express their own feelings, keeping things inside. If they are negative feelings, they may build up inside the ISFJ until they turn into firm judgments against individuals which are difficult to unseed, once set. Many ISFJs learn to express themselves, and find outlets for their powerful emotions.
Just as the ISFJ is not likely to express their feelings, they are also not likely to let on that they know how others are feeling. However, they will speak up when they feel another individual really needs help, and in such cases they can truly help others become aware of their feelings.
The ISFJ feels a strong sense of responsibility and duty. They take their responsibilities very seriously, and can be counted on to follow through. For this reason, people naturally tend to rely on them. The ISFJ has a difficult time saying "no" when asked to do something, and may become over-burdened. In such cases, the ISFJ does not usually express their difficulties to others, because they intensely dislike conflict, and because they tend to place other people's needs over their own. The ISFJ needs to learn to identify, value, and express their own needs, if they wish to avoid becoming over-worked and taken for granted.
ISFJs need positive feedback from others. In the absence of positive feedback, or in the face of criticism, the ISFJ gets discouraged, and may even become depressed. When down on themselves or under great stress, the ISFJ begins to imagine all of the things that might go critically wrong in their life. They have strong feelings of inadequacy, and become convinced that "everything is all wrong", or "I can't do anything right".
The ISFJ is warm, generous, and dependable. They have many special gifts to offer, in their sensitivity to others, and their strong ability to keep things running smoothly. They need to remember to not be overly critical of themselves, and to give themselves some of the warmth and love which they freely dispense to others.
ISFJ Strengths
● Warm, friendly and affirming by nature
● Service-oriented, wanting to please others
● Good listeners
● Will put forth lots of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
● Excellent organizational capabilities
● Good at taking care of practical matters and daily needs
● Usually good (albeit conservative) at handling money
● Take their commitments seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
ISFJ Weaknesses
● Don't pay enough attention to their own needs
● May have difficulty branching out into new territory
● Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
● Unlikely to express their needs, which may cause pent-up frustrations to build inside
● Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship
● Have difficulty moving on after the end of a relationship
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Depression??
Disorder | Your Score |
---|---|
Major Depression: | Very High |
Dysthymia: | High |
Bipolar Disorder: | Slight |
Cyclothymia: | High-Moderate |
Seasonal Affective Disorder: | Slight-Moderate |
Postpartum Depression: | N/A |
Take the Depression Test |
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Eien - Yuusaku Kiyama
僕は何も言えないまま君を抱きしめた
約束出来る未来なんてたった一つも見せられない
こんな僕なんてきっと君に似合わない
なのにどうして楽しそうな笑顔で側にいてくれるの
何故僕なんだろう?きっと答えは無いんだろう
怖くないと君は言う 怖くないわけないのに
未来の無い僕等は今 現在(いま)を抱きしめた
時代の所為にしたくはない
だけどどうにもならない事ばかりで
嫌になっちゃうよ ずっと変わらないのかな
これでいいと君は言う これでいいわけないのに
何も望まないって言うから僕は嬉しい 苦しい
暮らしに追われたって少しくらい夢みて愛を語ってもいいよね
そんな事さえ忘れてた暗がりに光をくれた
だから君に今日は言うよ 永遠の愛を誓うよ
泣いてないと君は言う その答えが震えている
無防備な君を僕が守るよ未来も無い二人が今 永遠(とわ)を抱きしめた
naite nai to kimi wa iu sono kotae ga furue te iru
boku wa nani mo ienai mama kimi o dakishimeta
yakusoku dekiru mirai nante tatta hitotsu mo miserarenai
konna boku nante kitto kitto kimi ni niawanai
na no ni doushite tanoshisou na egao de soba ni itekureru no
naze boku nan darou? kitto kitto kotae wa naindarou
kowaku naito kimi wa iu kowaku nandake nai no ni
mirai no nai bokura ha ima genzai (ima) o dakishimeta
jidai no sei ni shitakuwanai
dakedo dou ni mo naranai koto bakari de
iya ni nacchau yo zutto zutto kawaranai no kana
kore de ii to kimi wa iu kore de iiwakenai no ni
nani mo nozomanaitte iu kara boku wa ureshii kurushii
kurashi ni owaretatte sukoshi kurai yume mite ai o katatte mo ii yo ne
sonna koto sae wasureteta kuragari ni hikari o kureta
dakara kimi ni kyou wa iu yo eien no ai o chikau yo
naitenai to kimi wa iu sono kotae ga furueteiru
muboubi na kimi o boku ga mamoru yo mirai mo nai futari ga ima eien (towa) wo dakishimeta
Monday, March 9, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
たすけて ください!
d^ - ^b
就算我們日後分了手 也別再見面了
就算我們日後分了手 也別再愛別人了
萬一我們分手了 也不要哭泣
因為聽說要離別的時候 哭得很傷心的人
是無法再見面的
和你分手了 仙人掌枯萎了
那可是一株不澆水也會活得很好 甚至還會開花的傢伙
但 從一邊開始慢慢染上了病
後來用手一碰 一下就掉了
我啊 想要全部忘記
但是 今天似乎整天都開著收音機……
好 我會幸福的
你 就幸福一半吧!
Monday, February 16, 2009
thoughts & ponder
A person who usually call others a bitch is a bitch themselves. Bitch id define as below:
- A female canine animal, especially a dog.
- Offensive.
- A woman considered to be spiteful or overbearing.
- A lewd woman.
- A man considered to be weak or contemptible.
- Slang. A complaint.
- Slang. Something very unpleasant or difficult.
v. Slang., bitched, bitch·ing, bitch·es. v.intr.
To complain; grumble.
v.tr.To botch; bungle. Often used with up.
This term is frequently used as a term for a malicious, spiteful, domineering, intrusive, or unpleasant person, especially a woman --> wikipedia.
LOL~~it actually make sense. We humans sometimes find it hard to differentiate each other. However, example, female dogs, they seem to be able to identify other bitch. From my perspective, people who tend to used this kind of term are some immature kids between 12 to 17, if westerners, i think under the age of 12 too. Or else, really pissed off women fighting or quarreling with another pissed off women. Jealous women or girls too. And when men scolded or criticize women or girls they despise. Well however, i am sure it is used in many ways. Just something that past through my thoughts when i was reading that book. LOL~~ thank God i dun usually call people bitch. Its quite lowly actually. But sometimes it just seems to blurt out of one's mouth. Next time if i accidentally blurt it out, i will reconsider. LOL~~no offense please, just a random thought.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
From Christie
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 10 friends
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Here by Me - 3 Doors down
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Day Past A Child - Christopher Jak
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
My Love (Feat. T.I) - Justin Timberlake
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
You're beautiful - James Blunt
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Rule the World - Take That
WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
What a Girl Wants - Christina Aguilera
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Irreplaceable - Beyonce
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Lauryn Hill
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Say Cheese - KC
WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Like I Love You - Justin Timberlake
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Love Song - Sara Bareilles
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I Finally Found Someone - Bryan Adams & Barbara Streisand
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Knocks off My Feet - Tevin Campbell
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Runaway - The Corrs
WHAT WILL/DID YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Too Much Heaven - Bee Gees
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Could i Have This Kiss Forever - Whitney Houston & Enrique Iglesias
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Wine Up - Kat Deluna ft Elephant Man
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
This is How You Remind Me - Nickelback
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Straight Lines - Silverchair
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Smack That - Akon Eminem
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Because of You - Kelly Clarkson
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Home - Chris Daughtry
p/s: Tie...i actually found songs that i seldom hear but is in the hard disc. LOL~~
Some weird poem
Sharon Olds
How do they do it, the ones who make love
without love? Beautiful as dancers,
gliding over each other like ice-skaters
over the ice, fingers hooked
inside each other's bodies, faces
red as steak, wine, wet as the
children at birth whose mothers are going to
give them away. How do they come to the
come to the come to the God come to the
still waters, and not love
the one who came there with them, light
rising slowly as steam off their joined
skin? These are the true religious,
the purists, the pros, the ones who will not
accept a false Messiah, love the
priest instead of the God. They do not
mistake the lover for their own pleasure,
they are like great runners: they know they are alone
with the road surface, the cold, the wind,
the fit of their shoes, their over-all cardio-
vascular health—just factors, like the partner
in the bed, and not the truth, which is the
single body alone in the universe
against its own best time.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
bored
There you go. A need to write out what I am thinking. The "I am BUSY" becomes my slogan or motto now. I am actually that busy and tired that I do not have any time to train or hang out with friends as usual. My time management sux. Everything is a rush. Studies, revisions, assignments, thesis, and so on becomes my daily life. Most of my time i spent in uni. Earliest would be like 6.50am then all the way to 5.00pm. Reach home rest awhile then study again or revision or read or anything as long as i do not have time.
I thought of the past years. Last year was a pleasant but horrid year too for me. When friends turned out not to be the friends you expected, where back-stabbers and hypocrites exist in any relationship be it love, friends, family, etc. Where self-esteem is totally hancur, confidence and all those. When i finally come out from my shell i am then force to be my usual introvert behavior again. Confidence also gone. Self-conscious is strongly affecting me and so on. Thinks I wanna say but no one could understand and the thought of burdening people with all my problem is not helping either. Sometimes i get tired of life.
When a friend do not treat you as a friend anymore or maybe never actually treated you as one, just to draw on attention and so on, a person will actually feel used. When the thought of finally being needed is actually a lie, it shattered everything. Why cannot people be honest and straight-forward? why people cannot just get straight to the point? Why is sincerity and integrity extinct from the world? I actually thought of crying but when one does not even have the energy to cry or think anymore, the head/brain is actually blank. And then self-entertainment which means laughing and smiling a lot just to hide the sorrow, sadness, loneliness or whatever is a natural action to prevent people from seeing through its weakness. Thats me nowadays.
I made myself busier now by actually taking an audit course. And then today i finally decided to change the audit course into and elective course which means over limit of credit hours. 24 credit hours this semester. What am i doing also i am not sure. As long as my mind do not wonders anything will do. However I just wanna apologize if i keep refusing to join my friends in any outings because I'm really tired and the lack of mood is not there. I have not the enough time to spare. After failure in a lot of things, I want this year, this final semester, this life to be at least a little perfect.
(~.~)
後悔變成習慣 這樣一個孤單的人 不適合愛吧
想把在我身上那些滿滿的你還給你
我 還是忘不了你
什麼是最讓人害怕的事呢?
就是....必須忘記.....
你知道嗎? 連哭的力氣都沒有了
人 就會笑了
Saturday, January 3, 2009
0_o
Went for movie. Bedtome stories. Its really nice. Four of us enjoyed ourself. LOL~~ We bought nail polish again. Julie had an upsad (upset??) stomach so she eat very little today. We had lunch at Secret Recipe. And the toilet....yep i spent RM1 on toilet. Hahaha...What else ah?? Em, Christie bought a shirt and Elsa her gry eye shadow. Then we bought food home. Going to meet up with Christie tomorrow and maybe Elsa. Christie is going to help me out on my crazy assignment. [off to give cuddly (teddy) his new ribbon]